good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
