I only kidnapped one of them. chill
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
