A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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