Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So much rum. So many feels.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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