She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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