that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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