I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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