Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
tell me about the fingering
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
