You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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