What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Found the puke drawer
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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