i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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