The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
