Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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