i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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