the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
