I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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