Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize