Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
