It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
