i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
