Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize