The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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