I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
