Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
