I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
