Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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