I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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