omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
where are my eyebrows?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
