State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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