dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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