my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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