she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
