I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
