update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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