I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
