i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
