If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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