bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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