i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
