you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
