I think I died a long time ago.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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