Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
