That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
