Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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