Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
