Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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