just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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