Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize