Sry I called you an 8
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
