let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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