My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
