some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
either way he was missing a nipple.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
