i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
