meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
