Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize