I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
