4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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