you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
