I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
