: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
