I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize