My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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