Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
its liver damage thursday
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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