its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
