Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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