I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize