dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
