I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
