Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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