i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm like, not good at living.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
