Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
