You smell like a Billy Joel song
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
