I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
