I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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